Royal romances always give you a terrible headache!
by SocialAwkwardness
Summary: Kagura is the princess of a decaying kingdom, arrangements are made and she is sent off to some far away country to marry some royal ass from over there. There's one little tiny bit of a problem: she has no intention of doing so. Okikagu AU. Princess!Kagura x Okita. Rated T for swearing and possible violence (after all it's Sougo and Kagura).
1. Prologue

**A/N:** All right my dear readers, I'm getting serious with this story, regular updates and stuff, doing a proper research for every little thing and carefully planing the plot- Hahahaha! Who am I kiddin?! Regular updates? Good joke! Hahaha! No. But honestly. I had this idea for a very long time in my head and am determined to write this story to the friginn' end. I know what I want to write, I know how I want to write it aaanndd... I have no idea when I'm going to write it. But I will! I promise. It's not really my first fanfic but definately the first one that I'm so serious about and the firs one that I actually felt like publishing. Hope you enjoy it!  
P.S. OMG OMG ! Gintama is finally airing on tv! Ahhh I'm so excited, three episodes already watched and I so can't wait for the next ones I can't wait to see all those awesome OTP moments animated *insert crazy fangirling here*  
**  
Disclaimer: **I do not own Gintama, all rights belong to the gorilla, please give him bananas so he will draw more okikagu for us ^^

On with the story we go!

* * *

Imperial Palace in the West Kingdom of Yato was truly a magnificent view, long pavilions and high, multilevel buildings reaching for the sky, beautifully detailed columns with mythical and floral patterns, showing the fighting scenes of all kinds. Emerald roofs shining silver in the moonlight.

However the outer beauty of the place was misleading, inside a Yato clan residence the white marble walls were painted red and in the air there was a horrid scent of death; beautifully designed fabrics soaked in crimson and carefully weaved carpets stained with things one would rather not see or imagine for that matter. The everlasting rain washed all the blood away but was not able to cover that once magnificent civilization fell in ruin and formerly strongest clan on Earth was on the verge of extinction.

The cause of it was even more saddening than the effect, prosaic and almost laughable, if the outcome wasn't this horrifying one would probably snarl that you reap what you sow. The inhuman strength of clansmen came with sacrifices of every nature. The constant urge to fight, the craving for bloodshed that didn't fade away even when everything else did, even when it was already over, when other things were gone, the hunger lasted. And with a moment the last bit of consciousness faded it took over, completely and irretrievably. Yatos craved for many things, food, strength, glory and blood, the last being the strongest and deadliest. Not for everyone, though.

Most Yatos went with their instincts, being engulfed by them and completely consumed, but she didn't want that, she fought and struggled, she was a failure and weakling, disgrace for the whole clan. She was a princess. But the princess like that wasn't needed. And so the arrangements were made, the princess was to leave for another planet and marry the prince and live there for the rest of her life. She wasn't a real Yato, after all, she would go or die in here, because she wasn't strong enough and would never be.

Kagura threw a pillow at the wall of her room and growled with anger. She'd had enough a long time ago and now it got only worse. She hated this goddamned place, always rainy and gloomy, with the only excitement being killing off other clansmen. She had however a little different definition of fun, excluding words such as bloodbath and massacre. Since her mami died, she was always alone, her brother always doing something, somewhere far away, probably killing another "interesting" and "strong" person because that was his idea of fun. And her father either hunting monsters or being occupied by some important matters having something to do with ruling the country. And the last one of those "important matters" was her engagement and departing for a foreign country, the so-called "country of cherry blossoms".

The idea came from her idiot brother, who came to her room one day and announced that he decided for a political marriage between her and some lord-whatever-the-hell-was-his-name. Of course she was extremely angry at him for deciding about her life in such an important department, so naturally her first reaction was throwing herself at him with a full intent of harming him pretty badly. But that was Kamui. And for Kamui "harming pretty badly" was nothing more than a halfhearted try, he was strong and he always hit to kill. And so fifteen minutes later Kagura lay on the ground panting heavily and coughing blood while her brother with this sickening smile of his announced that she was to leave in a three weeks.

"That's the reason why you'll do it" she recalled him saying "because you're weak".

Because she was weak… There was no use for weaklings in the Yato clan, no use for those who didn't want to kill. To hell with it, she thought, she'd always wanted to leave this cursed place maybe it was a good opportunity. Somehow she would get away, she would run and no one would catch her; she would marry no one and would finally be free.

* * *

"Toushi" Kondo Isao called his fellow underling taking some sheets of paper from his pocket "Come here for a second"

"Huh?" a mildly interested vice-commander puffed a cloud of smoke and turned to his superior "What's with that, Kondo-san? You seem awfully nervous."

Truly, the gorilla-like commander of the infamous formation called Shinsengumi was shaking and sweating like crazy whilst looking anxiously from side to side. So much for building a good reputation. If people were to see the commander of the police, that were meant to protect them, at the moment, their opinion would drastically decrease, as if it wasn't low enough already. Sighing at the unappealing view before him Hijikata walked closer to his commander, he might as well get to know why he was acting as if there was a bunch of gorilla hunters chasing after him.

"I? n-nervous? N-n-no way!" Kondo stuttered "You must have had some hallucination. Hahaha nervous? Me? No way!" he laughed awkwardly and the uncomfortable silence took over the room

"So…" Hijikata coughed overwhelmed by the awkwardness of the situation in which his commander was desperately trying to seem less distressed than he really was, with a tragically bad outcome

Trying to loosen the mood and get back to the conversation he asked "What is that you wanted from me Kondo-san?"

"Oh! Right" the gorilla came back to life and gratefully began explaining to his underling the case of a new job they had.

Apparently they were to assist with the welcoming of a princess from the Yato empire and protect her royal ass as she was about to be married into the current shogun's family. Nothing extraordinary and specifically hard but if something went wrong their heads were sure to be impaled the next day and eaten by crows. Not quite the honorable death every warrior dreamt of. And to add to their misery they were also assigned to guard the soon-to-be-married royal couple until the bitter end of an oncoming ceremony to make sure everything would go smoothly and there would be no attempts to assassinate any of them little lovers. Sweet. Not that they hated marriages or any of that sort, however it would be nice if they didn't have to babysit them for the whole month before they were finally united in the holy knot of matrimony and bounded to each other for the rest of their royal life.

"Oh! And Toushi, have you seen Sougo, anywhere?" Kondo exclaimed, suddenly remembering something

"No. That brat, probably is slacking off the job somewhere again" came the curt answer "I swear I'm gonna make him commit seppuku one of this days'" and he went away mumbling some threats under his breath

* * *

Sougo, was in fact slacking off on one of the benches in the park, taking a nap. He was rather uninterested in keeping peace of Edo and patrolling the streets, as there was never anything interesting going on in this era of relative peace. From times to times he would disband one of the gangs that were popping out of nowhere quickly as the mushrooms after rain and could be compared to the annoying little flies that where always around, equally unnerving and weak. He didn't find any pleasure in defeating such pathetic opponents but he had to keep the act of a hard working policeman so his superiors wouldn't shout at him too much for not doing his job. And by his superiors he meant Hijikata-san.

Honestly this man was such a pain in the ass, always yelling at him for sleeping on his duty and threatening him with seppuku. But the most annoying part about him was that he was still alive after Sougo's oh-so-many well prepared tries of assassination. He was like a cockroach clinging to his pitiful life with all his might, being smacked and trampled, shot and poisoned was apparently not enough for the demon vice-commander to do everyone a favor and finally drop dead.

Waking up from his slumber Sougo stood up and with much better mood then before (killing Hijikata in his sleep was really refreshing after all) headed to patrol the streets. Time to do his job properly and destroy a few buildings while catching criminals. Public property was a necessary sacrifice to be made while catching joui patriots.

* * *

**A/N**: Soo... do you like it? Pleas, do tell me how I did and if you have any suggestions or critique don't be afraid to write it! Ugh I had a few problems with deciding if Kagura should be a princess of a country on Earth and do non-aliens AU or make it a whole universe and write about Yato planet, but in the end I decided to go with the first one as it was easier for me to write. And please, I know that I made Umibozou hunt monsters whilst being a king of the earthly country, but sorry my AU, my rules, logic doesn't apply and there ARE monsters on Earth. And sorry if there wasn't any okikagu yet in this chapter, but I promise you'll get a whole lot of it in the upcoming ones. You can treat this chapter like a prologue to an actual story ^^ R&amp;R please!


	2. Homeless people know the streets best!

**Chapter One: If you're lost, homeless people know the streets best, don't be shy and ask!**

**A/N:** I'm sooo sorrrryyy~... I had this already done when I posted the 1st chapter but I wanted to make a schedule and keep with it for once! I also promised myself that I won't post any chapter until I have at least a few pages of text about what's happening next already written and yes, it means that I have the next chapter(s) done but it still needs a little (*cough* a lot *cough*) edit so I'm not posting it yet and also I'm trying to be professional with this story (key word: trying) and that means double and triple checking because English is not my native language and mistakes happen. Oh and while I'm at that, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR ALL THE MISTAKES THAT APPEARED IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER AND THAT WILL APPEAR IN THIS AND THE NEXT ONES. That being said, on with the story! Hope you enjoy! ^^

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gintama because if I did it would be a disaster. All rights belong to Sorachi-sensei.

* * *

It was the day. The day Kagura would go to some far away country to marry some guy that she'd never heard of before; or rather, as she'd liked to optimistically think about it, the day she would escape from this damned bloody palace. And of course she had no intention of marrying anyone either. She'd already planned everything. As soon as she got to the other side of the boarder she would somehow get away from her escort. She figured that the best time would be after the Yato clansmen that were assigned to keep her company would leave and just before the other country's emissaries would arrive, guard, police or whoever the shit they were. She would be long gone before she'd had any chance of getting to know it. She would be free.

The only thing that was yet to be done was figuring out what would she do after she'd escape but whenever she started to dwell a little deeper into that matter she'd got a terrible headache so she decided to just go with the flow and not think too much about it. When the time came she would know what to do, or so she thought.

The harsh reality was however quite different. Things didn't go as smoothly as they were supposed to. After barely escaping from angry and quite desperate, she noted, policemen that were sent to pick her up she was currently panting like a rabid dog in the middle of nowhere, with the unpleasant sensation in her pit and a little voice telling her that she'd screwed up a big time. Not only did they know how she looked now, so they would have very little problems with finding her, but also she had no friggin' idea where the hell she was. Oh joy. She needed to do something. Anything, seriously.

Then it stroke her; she would just ask somebody about her location and how could she get to, somewhere far away from cops, she didn't quite know where that place was, but that was okay, she would just ask. Brilliant! Why was she even worried, of course she would be fine, after all, she was the queen Kagura! Well, not exactly the queen but princess of a decaying country didn't sound as proudly and gloriously, so she would go with the queen. It didn't really matter, aristocracy was aristocracy.

As soon as she decided on that idea she spotted a poorly looking man in his thirties and came closer to him. He would be perfect, homeless guys knew streets the best. She eyed him critically from head to toe: worn out brown clothes, sunglasses even though it wasn't really sunny, untidy hair that probably haven't seen shampoo for way longer than healthy and a cardbox as a bed/house/coat/whatever, everything completed with the dark, gloomy aura of misery. _Yep, definitely homeless. He probably was abandoned by his wife and lost all his money in the casino that good for nothing old man(MAru de DAme na Ossan)! _She thought, _In short MADAO_ .

"Oi you MADAO tell me how do I get away from cops" she demanded with a gangster-like look

"Huh? What? Are you talking to me, missy?" he looked up making the aura of hopelessness spread even more

"Yeah, you! Good for nothing old man! You should be thankful to me for giving you a chance to be good for something at least once in your life" she told him and laughed out loud "Be thankful to your queen!"

"Eh, queen..?"

* * *

Sougo was strolling down the street, heading to his favorite place in the park for a nap. When suddenly he heard some yelling. He would surely ignore it, were it not interfering with his sleep. He decided to be a good policeman and quiet whoever was causing this racket down. And it had nothing to do with him not being able to sleep in such noise.

What he saw however, was a rather unusual view: a young girl shaking violently the resident homeless of kabuki-cho park and yelling some curses at him. _Oh well_, he thought_, she could have been quieter _and fired his bazooka aiming straight for their heads.

A loud bang reaped the not-so-peaceful scenery of the Edo city and the air was clouded with puffs of dark smoke. But before the reek had any chance of dispelling a series of bullets was sent Sougo's way missing by only a scratch. _What the… _he thought while instinctively taking the battle stance.

In the place where formerly stood MADAO with the girl there was now a great hole and the poor man was lying unconscious on the ground. The girl however, he noted, was standing unscathed with a purple umbrella aiming directly at him and firing another series of bullets with the said object. This day was definitely turning interesting.

"What the hell were you doing?! You idiot! You could've killed me!" she screeched "Sadist! You're a complete sadist!"

"Che. I've missed" he mumbled but apparently it was loud enough for her to hear as she started rambling on about something and insulting him with curses that were worthy of the dirtiest-mouthed trooper. "Oi. China girl stop shit talking me or I will have to arrest you for offending the authorities."

"Authorities? You?! Don't make me laugh, you sadistic brat!" she snorted "I am the authority here! Go and bow to your queen!"

He observed as she started laughing, apparently thinking that she was very funny.

"Please, girlie" he said "You're one hundred years to young and too flat to be queen" he deadpanned quite enjoying the sudden changes of her face from extremely contented to unsure to enlightened to angry and furious

"I'm gonna kill you, you fucking brat!" she yelled and charged at him with full speed.

* * *

Half of an hour later Sougo found himself in rather unsettling situation with a few of his ribs broken and his arms bruised, panting heavily and coughing blood. His opponent, the little China girl, who with a closer look was probably older than he gave her credit for, was in an equally bad condition. To add to it there was a crowd of onlookers gathering around them probably drawn by an unusual, at this hour, fight. People of Edo were used to the infamous first division sadistic captain of the shinsengumi destroying public property and shooting at some unfortunate bystanders from times to times, but to see him engaged in such a vivid fight for so long of a time was rare. And what was even rarer was seeing him actually losing to someone in the fight. Now, to be exact it wasn't as if he was completely losing to this China girl but still, he wasn't dominating the fight either. And this tickled him off.

However as much as he was pissed off by that china monster of a girl he was also having quite fun, enjoying the fight that ensued from their unexpected meeting. The girl was something, but he would never admit it, for some reason he'd rather die than tell her a compliment.

"Oi, China aren't you getting tired already?" he asked spitting a mixture of blood and saliva

"In your dreams you fucktard!" she hollered and shot another series of bullets which accidentally might or might've not hit the spectators making them successfully retreat and observe the fight from much farther and hopefully safer position, leaving the two hostile individuals in a comparative solitude.

Sougo smacked his lips with disapproval as he managed to land another hit on the girl "It's rude to lie, I can clearly see you're getting weaker. Lying to the policeman China? That's no good I'll have to add that to your already long list of crimes"

"You? A policeman?" she snickered "There's no way-" she couldn't end her sentence as she suddenly tripped and fell down with a loud thud. She yelped a short "ouch" and grabbed her ankle which started to swell at a frightful speed.

Sougo who was just about to cut her with his sword, stopped in midair and looked at her in bewilderment. He stared and stared and then started laughing out loud "Bhahaha I can't believe you immobilized yourself like that! What an idiot! Hahah-"

"Shut up, you sadist!" she cried "it's all your fault for making me distracted with your filthy lies! I bet it was your plan from the beginning because you knew you could've never defeated me in million years!" she proclaimed pointing a finger at him

Meanwhile Sougo finally stiffened his laughter and managed to put on his usual look of indifference.

"What lies China? I AM the policeman" he said showing his emblem "Wouldn't that be obvious by my uniform already? You're seriously stupid. - Here, let me see that leg- you just have to…" and then before she had any chance of reacting he bend it one way, which unfortunately turned out to be the wrong one as Kagura let out a shriek of pain instinctively smacking the closest thing that just by luck turned out to be Sougo himself.

"Ow, you bitch!" he growled "I think you've just broken me another rib!"

"You deserve it for hurting me like that!" she replied sticking her tongue out while saying something incoherent that sounded awfully like 'idiot—!'

"I guess there's no choice then..." he said and turned around "see ya later China!" and he went his way ignoring her yells. Call him crude, but hey, he was a prince of sadists and had no intention to deal with that monster girl any longer. For all he cared she could die on this road.

* * *

"Don't give me that "no choice then" you shithead! Go back and help me, motherfucker! Oi, go back! OIIII!" Kagura screamed at the top of her lungs grabbing a fistful of dirt and throwing it in frustration

"I hate that damned brat" she muttered angrily "leaving a girl like that… what the fuck is wrong with him?"

_But what am I supposed to do now_, she pondered_, I clearly can't walk with an ankle like that, ahh! Be cursed you damned sadist! _

Sitting on the ground with no better thing to do she started wondering about what had happened that day and whatever the hell else was yet to happen. Since she came to this country it was one craze of a day, first running away from those cops, her guardians-to-be, that she deliberately ditched then her lovely talk with MADAO and the fight with that sadistic brat. Now that she thought about it he really might've been a cop, as his uniform was delusively similar to the ones those poor bastards assigned to take care of her had. But then why did he not try to capture her and bring her to that lord or whoever the hell was she supposed to marry? Maybe he didn't know about it, she wondered, he probably was someone unimportant so there was no way for him to know about such an important matter as princess coming to their little country. Wait, was it really little? She had no idea and... what was it called again? Oh well, doesn't matter. She was a princess not a geographer! To hell with it!

Her train of thoughts was suddenly broken with the appearance of three black uniform clad men, yelling something like "there she is!" and "wait but is it really her? Why is she sitting on the ground?", "idiot of course it's the princess, look at her bloody red hair!"

She suddenly felt angered by this. All her effort to run away from them, going to waste, just because of some sadistic low-ranked brat twisting her ankle. Oh, great. She sighed, at least she would get away from this humiliating position of a beaten dog, sitting on the ground, unable to stand up. And maybe they had some good food. She was kind of getting hungry.

* * *

**A/N:** Did you like it? If you've found any mistakes please do tell me about it. Leave me a review because that's what gives a true strength. Reviews. Really, I'm not picky, short ones, long ones, I'm glad receiving each and every one of them with my poor writing skills. That's the only thing I need to happiness. And as for those who already left me those amazing reviews that sent me on the cloud nine for the whole day and a half: THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are my motivation to write this story faster I hope you still like it!


	3. Apologizing is fun

**Apologizing is fun, unless you're the one doing it.**

**A/N: **I dunno, I like this chapter but I feel like the ending is a little bit forced... Anyway, enjoy! And if you find any mistakes leave me a review or pm me about it! Oh and a GREAT BIG THANKS to all the people that reviewed this story or who clicked on this favorite/follow button at the bottom of this page, YOU GUYS ROCK! Love you all.

**Disclaimer:**By no means do I own Gintama, all rights belong to the amazing Sorachi Hideki

* * *

_There is no fucking way this monster of a girl is a princess_. That thought echoed in Sougo's blank space of a head, bouncing from the walls of his mind like a friggin' baseball ball shot out at a full speed and with every bounce steadily slowing down to finally stop at the middle and dissolve into thousands pieces in some strange acceptance of the fact that indeed the girl, whose ankle had he broken in a fight earlier that day, was a princess and not only _a_ princess, but _the_ princess, who mind you, shinsengumi was to protect from any harm, which taking all and everything into consideration left him in a deep shit.

The matters only got worse when the said princess saw him and screamed on top of her lungs something that went along the lines of him being the motherfucking shit of a man, leaving a wounded lady on the street, which then changed into a long chain of insults, that would leave speechless even a sailor, whose ship was currently sinking in shame that he was not able to come up with such a "beautiful" and elaborated bunch of curses. Then she proceeded to accuse him of being a little wimp, who was afraid, to fight like a real man and proclaimed that when her foot gets better, she would kick his sorry ass so hard, that he would fly through the skies, and even birds wouldn't be chirping above his head, because they all would be dead in the fucking stratosphere, he would be in.

He needed to admit this was one hell of a speech and he was truly amazed by her imagination and ability to create such a vulgar thing at the span of a moment. Wouldn't it be shocked stares of other people in the room and angry glares of Hijibaka-san he surely would give her some sarcastic retort, maybe even a praise for scoring eleven on a scale from one to ten of being-unladylike, but as a man of his job, he understood that in some situations it was better to shut up, a thing that, he concluded, was a foreign concept for the princess, now fuming furiously at his lack of response.

"Oi. You brat" he felt Hijikata murmur something to his ear "I won't ask why the princess knows you or why is she accusing you of breaking her leg-"

"twisting ankle" he corrected, and watched with pleasure as a vein popped on the demon vice commander's forehead "And I didn't twist it for once, that bitch fell down and did it herself" he felt like clarifying, seeing to his joy another vein appear next to the one from before.

"Like I was saying" Hijikata took a deep breath to calm down "I will not ask how do you two know each other but if anyone discovers that something happened to princess, not only on our watch, but that the culprit was one of the shinsengumi higher-ups, we're going to all be sentenced to death! She's important as fuck to our dear shogun's little brother!"

"Relax, Hijibaka-san, I've got everything under my control. Everything will go smoothly just like with prince Baka and his lovely pets" Sougo answered and shrugged his arms indifferently while walking away. He didn't give a damn about some princess or whatever, that bitch got what she deserved and it wasn't his fault at all. Besides he was only doing his job, as she was disrupting the peace of Edo and refused to give up to the policeman. He felt really sorry for the man who was about to marry her, poor guy didn't know what he got himself into.

"Nothing went smoothly with that idiot of a prince and- Oi. Did you just call me Hijibaka? Oi, Sougo. Get back here you stupid brat!" he heard Hijikata's distant yells from behind, slowly fading, as the distance between them grew further.

* * *

Kagura sat numbly in one of the shinsengumi compound rooms. She wanted to walk so badly, run, move around, just do something, anything, but because of her leg she couldn't. The doctor, that just went out, told her to rest and give up on walking and not to even think about fighting for now, and after a few days her ankle would be just fine, probably. She was frustrated and hungry, which combined gave a very explosive mixture - may the soul of the unfortunate man that would come firstly to this room rest in peace. And it just so happened that this unfortunate man was Kondo Isao, commander of the shinsengumi, responsible for delivering her unharmed to the palace and her-husband-to-be. And miserably failing his mission, seeing as she was nor delivered nor unharmed and in pretty bad mood to top it.

"P-princess Kagura" he stuttered trying not to piss his pants under her glare "We wanted to apologize for the insolence of our friend Sougo, back then, r-right Toushi?"

She watched as another man appeared from behind the door. The mentioned person had a grim look on his face and a bottle of mayonnaise in his hand.

"Oh, yeah" he grumbled distractedly, quickly hiding the bottle from her view and then continued more formally "We're terribly sorry princess, for that brat's rudeness"

She looked both of them from head to toe and decided that she didn't like neither of them. The first one looked like a gorilla and there was something about him that just screamed "stalker!" like he had it written in a big red letters on his forehead. The other one was nervously touching his pocket in which he'd just hidden the bottle of mayonnaise, when he thought no one could see. Creepy. Who even ate this dog food anyway?!

"I'm sure Sougo is just as sorry as we are" came the quick support from the other one as the lack of reaction of princess baffled the men greatly making them feel a little anxious. That however was a terrible mistake.

"If that brat's so sorry, then why is he not the one to kneel in front of me with his head buried in the ground, begging for mercy, huh?!" she hollered "He'd better bring his sorry ass over here or I'm telling this royal fiancé of mine that you've harassed me and injured and you'll all be hanged!"

"B-but princess-!" Kondo panicked

"Huh~?" she made her gangster face "You want to say something gorilla? Go out now and bring me some food!"

And with that she turned around on her bed to face the wall. She wished, she could walk and kick them out and slam the door later, because she felt like turning around didn't have so much of an effect. She wouldn't probably tell all those things to this guy, she was supposed to marry, she didn't even know him and for one, he could not care about her at all, but she wanted so badly to see this brat's head bowing down to her in an ultimate sign of defeat, that she could not care less about this little innocent lie. Papi always told her not to lie, but in the end he would still do it, breaking promises and telling her he would be home when in fact he didn't appear for months.

"Are you out already?!" she growled and a moment later heard two hushed voices whispering something and a rapid shuffling of feet to be finally pleased by the firm sound of slamming door. She laid down, as soon as she was sure, that the two men went out, because in truth she was tired by this crazy day and wanted nothing else than to finally sleep. And eat, and see that sadistic brat humble himself before her and ask for forgiveness. But that was to do for later, first her beauty sleep, a girl needs to look astonishingly amazing whenever and wherever she is, so those foolish men would understand the difference between them.

* * *

Sougo was sitting in his room and polishing the sword, when suddenly Hijikata and Kondo bragged in and demanded for him to go to apologize to the princess. His natural reaction was instantly deny their request, because Okita Sougo apologizes to no one and as a resident Sadist of Shinsengumi, he would rather be the one, making others bow down. So he brushed them off without as much as batting an eye. Of course, as he could expect, this didn't work on his comrades, as they were still in his room threatening – in Hijikata's case, begging and pleading – in Kondo's, him to do this and not be a stuck up brat. Mind you, he wasn't a brat nor, even more so, stuck up. So he told them to fuck themselves and go die already, Hijikata-san.

"Sougo, you don't understand!" Kondo exclaimed in the last desperate attempt to make him change his mind "If you don't do it, then we'll all be dead before the dawn of a day!"

"Kondo-san, with all the respect, I'm not going to apologize to this China bitch, and don't even think about bowing down" he spoke in his usual monotone voice. Damn just how many times did he have to repeat? He was the sadist, not the other way around, and sadists didn't apologize. Never.

"Sougo" Hijikata puffed a cloud of smoke as he spoke up, apparently calming already from the earlier rant about responsibilities and seppuku that Sougo politely didn't give a fuck about (though, he quite enjoyed looking at the red infuriated Hijibaka's face) "Don't you think that it's time to finally stop acting so bratty and go apologize to the princess"

"No, Hijikata-san, go die already please" and with this the older man lost his cool again and started shouting at the youngster that with an impassive face slowly made his way to the exit.

"Oi. Sougo where are you going!" he heard Kondo's yells and turning around with the expression, that one would piss his pants upon seeing, he answered "to apologize to princess" and went off leaving them dumbfounded and a little scared, with the evil aura slowly gathering around his head.

* * *

Of course Sougo was not going to apologize to anyone and especially not this monster of a princess, but while he was talking with Kondo and Hijikata, an idea popped inside his head. An idea, that almost made him want to smile. Not the normal smile, no, no. Rather the smile of a predator cornering his prey, the smile that a hungry hyena gives off, before immersing its sharp teeth in the juicy meet, of an already dead animal, the ever so sadistic smile. He would go to her and show her what you get, for trying, to make the prince of sadists bow down. He just couldn't wait, to see her sorry expression, twisted in a painful grimace. But before that, he needed to take something with him. So he went down the hallway to his room, took a small package from the bottom of his drawer and twenty minutes later he was standing before the princess's temporary place of residence, with a deliciously-smelling, white, creamy strawberry cake with a whipped cream on the edges.

"Princess I came to see your ugly face!" ha announced, walking inside the room.

On these words princess that was currently sleeping, stirred a little in her bed, however not waking up from her slumber. A little unnerved by this lack of any reaction whatsoever Sougo came closer to her bed.

"Oi, you China monster I came all the way here and you're sleeping?" as cliché as it is, he leaned over her curiously to take a better look at her sleeping face, just to be hit by her fist swiftly making its way to his nose and then connecting with a loud thump! The strength of a surprise hit sent him flying through the whole room.

"Ow, you bitch!" he growled standing up from the ground "That friggin' hurt!"

"You deserve it for insulting a lady" she said rising from her lying position and when her gaze landed on the object in his hand, she exclaimed "Is that a cake?!"

The cake miraculously surviving the crazy flight of Sougo, caused by her punch, was now a little crumpled, but still looked tasty enough for a hungry Yato. In fact anything would look tasty for a hungry Yato but that was just a small detail.

"I was planning to give it to you, but since you're so crude and hostile towards a poor policeman like myself, I guess I'll just eat it alone" Sougo said turning around and slowly marching out of the room.

"NO!" she screamed desperately "Oi, you brat! What do you mean you eat it alone?! Get back here! OIII!"

He stopped and slowly turned to face her, while at the same moment taking a piece of cake and bringing it to his mouth.

"Lookie here China" he said, slowly closing the distance between, when suddenly a red blur appeared before him and literally took the piece of cake out of his mouth.

Kagura, now standing on the other side of a room was stuffing her mouth with the cake, that, just a moment ago, was in his hands.

"Mffmnnmfnm" she mumbled, with her mouth full of the strawberries and cream, the topping dirtying her whole face. It was the sweet taste of victory, a hot spicy victory, a very hot and spicy- suddenly the girl screamed and Sougo could swear, that a flame escaped from her mouth.

"You damned Sadist! What did you put in here?!" she screeched, while frantically fanning her mouth with her hands, in a desperate try to ease the pain of one thousand hot chili peppers burning her insides.

"Oh, my bad China" he deadpanned "it seems you've eaten my special super spicy tabasco cake, that I prepared for Hijikata"

"You devil! You sadist! Why did you give something like that to me?!" she screamed and then proceeded to continue her chain of insults "Give me some water you damned cop!"

"Is that a way to ask for something, China" he teased "And what happened to your ankle? Weren't you unable to walk just a moment ago?"

"I was! Yato clansmen heal faster! Give me the damned water already!" and with the final scream she left the room in the desperate search for any liquids that would quench her thirst.

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**A/N:** I feel like the ending of this chapter turned not exactly how I wanted it to do, but you'll have to do with this, I did my best. And also I'm happy to inform you that the next chapter will be uploaded next Monday cuz I've finally made a schedule and I'm gonna keep with it. So hopefully there will be regular updates each Monday. Deal with the waiting by leaving a review and I promise you'll feel better afterwards. ... Just kidding! But I will feel better so you can do it anyway :3 #fishing_for_reviews_like_desperate_teenagers_for_likes_on_facebook


	4. Being ladylike is hard

**Being ladylike is hard when there's this guy that's constantly annoying you!**

**A/N:** Hey remember when I said I'll give you regular updates? ...No? That's good, cuz I have no idea what I thought back then? did i go crazy for that moment? Pfff! How could I ever think I'd be able to do this? I'm sorry, I reaaalllyyy wanted to update this story on time and stuff but, the school's just been so crazy for me lately you know, my last year and all, I had to stay after school almost everyday and write something... ahh all the hassle *^* so many exams... my head hurts... x-x BUT! since it's already summer holidays I will try to update this story... more often... or at all

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gintama, you should know it by now!

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It was another peaceful evening for the shogun's palace, the sun was slowly setting and everybody was gradually being engulfed by the overwhelming laziness of the end of a day. Quiet air spread the aura of calamity surrounding the whole palace. Except that it didn't. Today was neither peaceful nor calm or quiet seeing as it was the day the young lord's fiancée finally came. Princess Kagura, as introduced, came from a faraway Kingdom known as the Yato Empire, being herself a member of the strongest and most bloodthirsty clan on the Earth, known for its great fighting skills and almost inhuman endurance and regenerating speed. The princess seemed to be the perfect picture of a Yato clanswomen that brought havoc and chaos everywhere she went. In fact since she came "peace" became a rather abstract term. Currently she was in her room waiting for her husband-to-be to come back and finally meet her.

The tension in the palace was so thick that it could be cut with a knife and served on a silver plate, together with a ten dishes set that the newly-come princess had just ordered for the fourth time this hour, driving the cookers crazy and successfully emptying the fridge and three more cupboards.

A source of the said tension was quite easy to be spotted. The dark clouds of animosity were gathering around the princess's room, caused in all probability by the calmly sitting before her door policeman. No servant had any idea what the poor man did to deserve such an open hostility from the Yato clanswoman or how in the world was he able to still be alive and kicking after spending nearly two hours in such a close proximity to the person who was probably stabbing him with the imaginary daggers every time she'd seen him. The only answer could be that he was either blind not to see the anger and resentment on princess's face and deaf not to hear the sound of her knuckles cracking and screams of thousand souls fleeting when she accidentally bumped into him, or he was simply a masochist, wishing to die.

They couldn't 've been much further from the truth. Okita Sougo assigned, as the best swordsman in Edo, to guard the future wife of Shogun's little brother was neither blind, deaf and definitely not a masochist. He simply didn't give a fuck. Now, one could ask how was that possible with all the repugnance the princess showed him but the thing with Okita Sougo was that he never cared about things as little as that so he wouldn't do it now with the snotty princess radiating the rather strong killing intent. And there was one more thing. Annoying the princess to no end had quickly found its way to the top of his favorite-things-to-do-list, right next to trying to assassinate Hijikata when no one looked, so he was delighted when he found out that he could do it only by sitting in front of her room insulting her from times to times to agitate her a little more. Only if no one could hear it of course, he wasn't suicidal, thank you very much, he had no intention of dying for his little comments towards the person who was to be married into the current Shogun family.

Kagura on the other hand wished nothing more than to have a bazooka given as her marriage present so she could fire it and shot the sadistic excuse of a policeman down. He pissed her off just by breathing the same air as she did. If only he'd mind his own business, she'd let it slide, she wouldn't as much as give a fuck about him, but this damned brat was actually sitting behind the door, "guarding" her from any suspicious people. He was the one most suspicious of all, for God's sake! Why no one understood it. She could be killed in her sleep by this sadist and no one would even know about it! No guard would help her, because the one doing the deed would be the fucking guard himself! But the threat of death wasn't the worst, she was a Yato after all, she would be just fine and if he attacked her he would be the one regretting it. The worst were his annoying comments making her want to rip his head off and tear him into thousands of pieces. Right now she was nobly ignoring his taunts being determined not to throw a tantrum as this would only make him happier. She would show him just as mature she could get and not react to any of his bratty provocations.

But it was kind of hard when she sat in her room, able to hear his irritating whispers insulting her and stuff. "Oi princess, how are you? Have you seen your fiancé already? But no worries you'll surely match each other, heard he's big, fat and ugly. But I don't think he could be compared to you anyway because his boobs are probably fat too in contradiction to yours~" and with that the line was crossed.

Kagura burst out of the room, all red from anger. "Oi you, what do you think you're doing, huh~?!" she screamed lifting him by the collar "Do you have a death wish, if so I'll gladly grant it"

"No way China" he said sliding his eyes to side "But if you want to play a godmother you can grant some other wishes of mine"

"Huh?" she blinked with her mouth slightly agape, what fuck was wrong with him, like hell she'd do anything for him

"Like shutting this ugly face of yours because your breath stinks" he completed his statement

"You fucking-" she stopped midsentence as she'd seen some movement with the corner of her eye. The man with curly white hair and dead fish eyes quickly skimmed over to the other side of the corridor as soon as he noticed he'd been spotted and then started running away

"Oi you perm head, stop right there!" she screamed and instantly went after him freeing Sougo from her grasp. What if some servant just saw her yelling at that idiot of a guard? No way! She needed to quiet him down before he could tell anyone about it! Her reputation was at stake! Mami had always told her to be gentle and ladylike and she was trying so hard to do it, but how was she supposed to do this with this sadistic brat around pissing the hell out of her?!

"Oiii!" She screamed catching up to the run-away-guy "Did you see it?!' she asked with her most intimidating face "Answer now you perm head!"

* * *

Sougo was left dumbfounded in the middle of the corridor not quite knowing what to do. He felt a little unnerved with the princess leaving him like that. He might've been acting like a spoiled brat whose favorite toy was taken away, but could you blame him? After all the effort he put into thinking up all those taunts, waiting for her, to break down and finally burst with anger, she ditched him like that? Just like that? What the fuck was with this?!

Grumbling under his breath, he started walking, not quite knowing, where he was headed. What was wrong with this China bitch of a princess? He reminisced thinking about this idiotic situation, And was that Danna, she went after so quickly? Were his eyes deceiving him that he was ditched for this perm-haired lazy bum. And what was he even doing there to begin with? He wasn't one of the palace servants, he should be in his office slacking off as he always did. Was this one of his odd jobs? What a joke! And this China bitch just ran after him like that! Wasn't he the one she was fighting with?

This whole situation tickled him off a little more than he'd expected. In fact his anger was completely unreasonable as it was, but he was the prince of sadists, after all, so why did he need any reason for this sudden pang of killing intent towards Danna?

Stupid Danna, stupid princess, what the fuck was wrong with them?!

* * *

Meanwhile Kagura was sitting on a bench with the lazy samurai telling her another story about one of his odd jobs. She'd instantly taken a liking to him, a thing that was equally ambiguous and amazing. Skata Gintoki was a sorry excuse of an adult, always losing in pachinko, with diabetes and poor immunity to alcohol, reading Jump while he should be working. But in spite of all his flaws he kind of reminded her of how the father should be, caring and fun to be with. It was only about an hour or so, since the two of them met, but Kagura could already tell that she definitely liked this person.

Even if at the beginning he tried really hard to get rid of her and when he heard she was a princess he suddenly started stuttering and apologizing while mumbling something incoherent, after some time the conversation naturally started to build itself and went smoothly from that time on. Courtesy of Kagura's "charm" and persistence.

"Gin-chan?" she asked suddenly, interrupting his another story, about how he'd saved the world from the total extinction, together with Poku and Hegeta "Have you seen the guy I'm going to marry?" she asked uncertainly; in the end she still hadn't met him.

"Huh~? You're getting married?" he sighed "That's no good a girl your age is way too young for such a thing"

"I am the princess, Gin-chan" she said "That's the reason why I have to be here in the first place. But I haven't even seen my fiancé, yet... Stupid brother and stupid papi making me do things like that." she grumbled, pouting a little

"Ho, so it's like that" he said scratching his head "Eh, I don't wanna get into your royal problems, but you know, there's nothing really you can do about it, right? Why not just make the best of what you got? There are lots of pros from being a royal family"

"Like what?" she said gloomily, immersed in the thoughts about her brother that sent her to this place like he didn't care about what happened to her at all

"For one, you can eat whatever you want" he said "and you don't have to worry about the rent and crazy old hags, hunting you down each month, you forget to pay it… It's not my fault that he gods of gambling hate me so much!" he screamed to the skies

"Gin-chan, that's just your addiction to pachinko, don't mingle it with my situation" she deadpanned "Besides what if the only ham I'll get in this place will by my husband of a ham?" she asked frantically "What if he's ugly and fat?!"

"Kagura sometimes you have to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of other people" he said philosophically "And ham of a husband isn't that bad party, he'll warm you up in a cold rainy days and if there's no food a ham is always a ham, isn't it?"

"You're disgusting me Gin-chan" she said "I don-"

"Yo, Danna!" she was suddenly cut off by a monotone voice calling from their right

"Oh, Soichirou-kun, what business might you have with me today?" Gintoki asked sweat-dropping a little when he'd seen the young shinsengumi captain "I swear this time it wasn't me! You have the wrong man!" he hurriedly added

"Danna, it's Sougo and I'm not here to arrest you" the man answered

"T-then, what makes you come here?" the white-haired samurai asked a little unsure

"She" he answered pointing a finger at Kagura "It's no good to run away princess" he said strangling her face "What would we do if you were kidnapped and taken as a hostage, or maybe even killed by some sadists? That would be no good~"

"You're the only sadist in here!" she screamed, breaking away from his grasp "and stop faking this concern in your voice, it makes me wanna puke!" she added while throwing a punch at him

" You've hurt the poor policeman's heart" he said in his usual monotone voice, dodging her fist "I'm simply doing my job, China"

"Doing a job my ass!" she screeched, avoiding his kick "You must really like me, since you're always appearing out of nowhere, are you a stalker? Huh? Stalker sadist?"

"Who would want to be your stalker?" he asked, making a face of disgust, while blocking another one of her blows "But you can dream on, China"

"Eww, no way Sadist!" she grimaced, while finally managing to land a hit on him

Gintoki, on the other hand, stood there numbly, long forgotten by the two hostile individuals, looking at the ensuing fight and considering his options. For one crazy moment he thought about stopping the fight, but upon seeing, or rather not seeing their movements, because of the speed, he decided it was a bad idea, so being the usual lazy samurai he was, he ran away when he thought nobody looked, leaving the two teens immersed in their own world of violence. It wasn't his business what they did with their lives and he didn't exactly feel the need to entangle himself in some royal affairs. Witnessing the princess flirting with one of those tax-robbers wasn't exactly high on his to-do list and he'd rather not have his life endangered by their little show of affection. Because if they didn't accidentally kill him while fighting then shogun's executioner would be sure to do so, with them next in the line. So he'd just pretend he saw nothing and would find a time machine. Just in case.

Left alone, Kagura and Sougo had no idea what the perm-haired samurai, thought about their brawl. Shinsengumi captain, if asked, would tell you that he was only doing his job as a royal guard in this palace, bringing the lost princess to her room, the term of 'flirting' wouldn't even go through his head. As for Kagura, she would simply tell you that he was the one who started the fight so she was only acting in self-defense, it wasn't her fault that this bastard was always annoying her and picking a fight with her.

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**A/N:** Okay I think it was a little rushed and crappy at the ending but since I couldn't come up with anything better... well, I kinda lost passion for this story but if you still liked it I'll try to muster up my enthusiasm and write sth better next time! ^^


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